eardrum

“Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.
   I love you, and that’s all I really know.
     I talked to your dad–go pick out a white dress…”

As I looked at the calendar, gone are the days in month of May. We were supposed to get married this June 10, 2009, but due to an expense of time and with our financial standing we have to suspend it until October…hopefully. What I am anticipating as our June civil wedding might turn out to be a dream wedding with enough savings and support from some friends and family. Even if we do not have a great wedding, I simply desire to… have an event asking for the hand of a the guy I love. I am not a conventional/traditional partner I guess.

“Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel.
  This love is difficult, but it’s real.
   Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.”

Love story…

 So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
      We keep quiet, cause we’re dead if they knew
        So close your eyes…
          escape this town for a little while.
 

  Cause you were Romeo- I was the scarlet letter,
    And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”
      but you were everything to me-
       I was begging you, please don’t go
        And I said…

  “Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone.
     I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
      You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.
       It’s a love story, (you say) “baby, just say yes”

I dated a lot of guys before I met mac, mostly I had failed relationships although I am a hopeless romantic like most of “us”. We met through a potential business transaction, he was so skilled in marketing that the business proposal ended with us dating instead. He immediately had his way to meet my friends more so my family but somehow I never allowed it to happen. It was out of my norm to get too serious with someone or fall in love the least, hurt is evitable that way.

I was so denying the fact that I develop certain feelings for him that I opted to date other guys the same time Mac is courting me. I wanted to be honest and told him everything, he was deeply hurt. What I hoped to be evitable regrettably became inevitable, I secretly admired him for bearing the pain and pursued me more instead. Then all of a sudden, everything became too dramatic that in reality it felt like our relationship was only a duet themed with ”You and Me Against the World”. We were perfect for each other, “a perfect 10″– with him as the skinniest number ONE and myself as a rounder ZERO.

Hardships and complications arose, but not because of our relationship. A conflict within a very up-tight family and during that time I got to know Mac’s side of the family and came to love them more instead. I met his relatives in Bulacan and instantly felt home, surounded by a ton of his cousins and “kalog” relatives, which is a long awaited desire of mine–a happy and fun family. With all the happiness I had with knowing him and his world, he worked out the first reconciliation between me and my family. I asked for forgiveness from my father and mother, and feuds were somewhat resolved because of Mac.

Looking forward to June 11, a day of remembrance. “…all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”(Romans 8:28)

In love,

  Katrina Pickets

Out of ‘the’ bubble once again, finding NEMO as well as a destiny and true blob.(Yes,whatever it is.) A world where no real worry exist…well, there’s my bowel movement that’s all, but other than that there’s nothing else.  (As long as there’s somebody by your side is that enough?)

I came across an article… (Yes, I do read.) It discusses a book “Save the Males” by Kathleen Parker a syndicated columnist. I laughed. (Yes, I do laugh by myself.) Is it then an arguement to give back some of the power to the male species? Nah, we think not. [evil laugh]

Recently, love story movies even  tagalog ones (Don’t make me mention it please.) illustrates that it is the women who are in control of the relationship. We decide, we make the shots…we say GO or NO! Whew, that’s nice to say it out loud.

At last, a person who had a taste of her own medicine and said,” yuck”!  (A lot like a few people I know.) She abandoned what feminism stands for and goes the other way. A feminist who later had a son suddenly reverts and goes out saying, “We have gone overboard treating boys as idiots, wimps who are purposeless and hopeless.” (I paraphrased.) Why? Oh, why did this feminist had a son? When at last she had power and all the reason in the feminism’s rule book to draw the line and crush men for eternity. [evil laugh and red eyes] No, I don’t have anything against men, or any man for that matter. (Obviously)

“We seem to understand that girls need high self-esteem to perform in school and society, but we pretend that boys don’t.”-Kathleen Parker         How touching. (Bleh! :p ) As of today, statistically more and more women whether in unfortunateness or voluntarily raise a family as single moms with little to no male participation. 

So, what do you think guys and gals? Is it worth it to SAVE the MALES…

CHOICES are… Hold someone’s hand on their bed side or strangle to death the seemingly same sane person. It’s too early for a marriage preview (not necessarily the perfect marriage huh). Sweet nothings, they really don’t amount to anything! None really of my “exes” would be good enough or rather be worst than my supposedly other half. (gosh)

Going through the basket of our malodorous dirty laundry, a portion of bystanders enjoy the stench of petty quarrels and nonsense jealousy even a mile away. Every woman needs a MAN—structured with a backbone. Ladies, be careful with “love”. It is a short (yet the sweetest) allegory of invasion of privacy, dress code restrictions, untimely curfew, finite product endorsements, (so on and so forth) as well as “the” set of rules and regulations longer than the policies of traffic enforcement in the Philippines. Above all these (However), the choices we have and what we decide on hopefully mirrors how NOT to make a fool of ourselves.

If only relationship scenarios would be as effortless as having a HELP icon. So that for future reference, one could easily cling on to the reassuring phrase saying, “Try one of these alternatives or see HELP for hints on refining your search.” (LOL!)

Boys and girls, it does work that way (Yes, really it does!) Truthfully kiddos, if you pick “wisely” a guy (friend, boyfriend, partner) who makes you listen and instills discipline (yes, even if it means fighting with a stubborn *itch like you.), loves you unconditionally, the guy then is not a sissy and he’s someone who worships not the ground you walk on– just God.

Is it…(However), lovely to fall in love? Beautiful! Magnifi! A song in my head plays, “How sweet it is to be loved by you.” The song earlier sang (in my head) was a bit cheesy than usual so I’d rather shout out a phrase from a Jars of Clay song (I sound so much cooler huh?! Hehe!), “Change this something normal, into something Beautiful!

Dear Carpool,

FYI to my future riders: A few regulations should be followed to avoid any vehicular incidents/accidents…don’t sneeze inside the car the doors might fall off, hold your breath if the aircon is turned on coz’ gas and smoke might suffocate passengers, do NOT mind the windows it has unique functions of going up and down on its own or not at all.

My car is a Mazda 232 model 1997, passed on to me from my two sisters (my ates). It has been ours for seven years now. Sweet huh?! Oh how I remember the first day I drove it to school, with its fresh greenish masilya and faded dark violet (supposedly black) torn-out tint. I even named this car “konvict”, not because it very much looks like a convict’s ride but because I personally loved this car as much as Akon.

Please read on the following so-called car features:

• Power windows: If only you could imagine a movie in slow motion, that’s how the “power” windows on the passenger side works. Windows on the driver’s side has an awful embarrassing noise similar to an armalite riffle.
• Ignition: A toaster would start faster at times, especially if I’m already late!!!
• AC: Have you heard of a moody air-conditioner with a scorched-like scent!?
• Meters/Indicators: Almost all meters are broken. The gas indicator stays lit whether it’s full or empty. It’s safe to keep your receipts just in case…
• Lights: My headlights are dim and the tail light shuts off when it rains.
• Wiper: Wipers don’t wipe but it only gently caresses the wind shield.
• Stereo: If “anti-theft” means nobody would want to steal it then maybe that’s good! I use folded paper to keep in-place my cd-converter.
• Bumpers: It’s inspired by the song,”hanging by a moment” (Lifehouse).
• Paint&Glass: White taxi-like paint color is chipped off and “accidentally” scrubbed off with steel brush (don’t even ask how). Back glass is all cracked, frat guys threw a huge rock at it… we can even submit the initial investigation report.
• Doors: Car doors are about to fall apart, we ask friends to give it a good kick both to close it and also as therapy for anger management.

This actually is a group project that my sisters and I came up with. As sentimental as the 3 of us sound, it would really, really, really mean seven years worth of smiles (or more) if my car “konvict” would be chosen for a “make-over”. We’ve always had a tight budget and very-very strict/frugal dad. If anyone of us would want something, we’d have to work for it. Well guys, if saving my allowance and selling my cell phone unit for cheap paint and new tint ain’t enough sacrifice maybe carpool could give me and my sisters some slack. So what do you guys think? We’re asking pretty please with sugar on top! ;]

Granted a seat in my silver chair, I officially spent my 25 years in the body which I proclaim is a wonderland. (Oh come on people, that’s supposed to be captivating and hilarious!) On a serious note though, I decided to face responsibilities, apologize to people I’ve b*tch-slapped, re-gain friendships and marry a fairly good looking and rich guy. (…the latter is not entirely true.)

No money involved, no party, no work either — t’was a plain and simple birthday holiday! I had time with the family and a new condo at Serendra. Just kidding, I don’t wanna brag (that much).

The seemingly adorable “sasagurl” pretty much accomplished growing-up. I’m now the serious person that I ought to be. (Snorts!) Very much sane and sober, I’ve been “stripped” of the few hazardous vices I used to have; fortunately my seemingly cautious self had been eliminated from dating the deceitfully amazing studs of the planet we call earth. It’s a great gift to be loved for who I really am along with moi “adjusted” close-to-normal self.

It may sound boring to be living a clean and stable life, as I’ve always thought so but I’d rather have it that way than anything more complicated.  I do however accept the challenge to encounter difficult people. (Although I have my mom and dad for that role already. LOL!) Anyhoo…anyone is free to approach my office to once again wear the shoes contributing to a complicated and trying relationship. (Except for the guy I talked with on the phone last night, we’re better off as friends, I verify that.)

Thank you for the miracles in my life; the people I loved, friends, and of course the real family “Ledesma” and my extended family, not to mention the future surname yours truly will soon carry.

For my alleged improvements and recent “adjustments” please read on. Percentage of melancholic sentiments is fairly the same (If you haven’t noticed.) Am optimistic and focused at work. I promised to believe in commitments then lavish (with every sense of the word) in relationships that are for keeps. So much for skepticism. At age 25, I now hope for happy endings!

 I
could maybe entitle this explicit blog"A tribute to 2007". Too much of a cliché
isn’t it, which makes it sound lame? We all know who hates clichés the most, my so-called best
friend. She’s too good for poorly formulated thought and ideas. LOL! It was her
firm belief that yours truly is a typical girl who dates half the planet, mind
you the worst of its kind. True to
her word, I am that girl who finds sudden relief in the company of nerds and
weird guys one could possibly fall “overtly” in-love with. (sigh) 

No…nobody
won my heart, for the moment at least. Not even the guy I thought I loved for
seven years, only to find out we had no common interest at all. Can you imagine?
It’s the best laugh trip ever (no offense)! So, that only shows mystery is not
at all a factor. “Fear” is it a factor..faith is. I learned, “tolerance to pain does not disprove
you being scared”. A distinct statement purposely marked me for life,
literally. The scar I thought would remind me to break all-embracing boundaries
and never label anyone became the very words I ended up eating, more like
masticating that is. I would never want to judge anyone as to who they are,
where they’re from, and what they did. But that just sounds like a boy-band
song as to which we all find sincere simple truths—NOT! As the revised old saying goes
men are all the same, “You say tomato; I say he’s a hoe.”

 Sooner
than later, I have come to believe that we’re all into the frantic search for
“happiness”.
I then decided to stay out of the market as a young-vibrant-single-hottie a couple of times. I
subjected myself to a 24-hour men-dieting frenzy! The no-dating program
unfortunately backfired starting mid August.

It has gotten worst that I tend to
forget names of those I dated. However, I never forgot how cheesy a “lover boy”
could get and how cheap some of them could get. I do want to believe in relationships.
I must have missed a lot then. 

For
a time, I had all the love I could get.
Wide-ranging support, an emotional
cradle, and a tempting
nest for self-gratification nonetheless. The
organization made me strong, stronger even.
I became my own person, a warrior
and charming defender of the “mass”.
I had such esteem to my Inay, Itay, adopted Mom and Dad; all the
co-workers I treated somewhat family. Yet nothing or no one could ever replace
a family, it’s your only one—your own. 

1.LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?  
Does accumulated minutes count? ;]

2.LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Referring to tangible or intangible?

3.EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Is it not a requirement to do so at least once a day?

4.THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Who doesn’t spend on taxi fare and gas?

5.LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
I think I gulped that Thai Spicy Noodles,didn’t I?

6.ONE FAVORITE SONG?
"I don’t love you?"-My Chemical Romance

7.WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Do hotels count?

8.LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Wait,was it a wedding or FREE-meal-coupon day?

9.LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Apparently sunday, is she still sobbing over happiness?

10.WHERE’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT
WITH FRIENDS?
Is it quite an assumption that it
would probably be anywhere my friends
wouldn’t see me with another loser guy?

11.CAN YOU COOK?
It depends if you prefer human flesh instead?

15.CAN YOU BAKE?
If Hansel & Gretel is around then maybe I can try?

16.LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
What hungry kid wouldn’t make you cry?

17.LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
What’s not to like?

18.HATE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
What’s not to hate?

19.CAN YOU SING?
…that is if you’re prepared to be amazed?

20.DO YOU SMOKE?
You mean am I scorching hot?

21.PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
Eventually, it will depend on what comes with what, right?

22.DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Is this supposed to be with a "double-meaning" question and answer?

23.LAST PERSON ON MISSED CALL LIST:
(COMPANY Phone)…where are you?

24.LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED:
Pls dsregard f payment has bn settled,sweeeet huh?

25.CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
If I say guys eat my powdery-pool-dust, wat ya think?

26.CAN YOU SWIM?
In the midst of what?

27.FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Anything that comes with a cone don’t you think so?

28.WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? Do you think I was ever awake?

29.WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Am I not already deprived of a weekend more often than not?

30.ARE YOU SMILING?
With my lips almost touching my ears?

31.DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
I probably would detest that?

32.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
You meant someone I’d like to crush?

33.DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Do you think I could deny that?

34.ARE YOU IN LOVE?
As much as I’d like to but no, do you think I am?

35.DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?

Like…dead people?

36.WHAT MOVIE DO YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW? Are scandals considered as short films nowadays?

37. ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH?
Am I easy to go along with what,a bowl
of salad?

38. IF YOU WERE A COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Now isn’t that an intelligent question?

39. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE RIGHT

NOW,WHERE?

Will it be too dramatic if I confess, I need to go do "number 2"?

40. WHAT DISNEY MOVIE CAN YOU WATCH OVER & OVER?
Is Highschool Musical too obvious?

41. FOOD YOU’RE CRAVING FOR RIGHT THIS MINUTE? Didn’t I just gulped Thai Spicy Noodles?

42. NAME A PERSON WHO’S NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER "J"? Don’t we usually shout, "@#$&*%, you…(Jerk)?"

43. WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE TO EAT ICE CREAM?

Have you heard of the ice cream place?

45. RADIO STATION YOU FREQUENTLY LISTEN TO?

You expect me to have time for that?

44. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE "SCARY MOVIE"?
Aren’t soap operas scary enough?

45. WHERE DO YOU USUALLY HANG OUT?
You mean where I dry my clothes?

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

So is that what you should include in a resume too?

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PHONE?
Is "dirt" a color?

49. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TOMORROW?
If you think it’s something new, why not do it now?

50. FAVORITE DAY?
Is it yesterday, the one I never had?

  Waittin’
on hittin’ BORA again!!! Christmas is the best, to that December 2006 left a
mark in me and I mean that literally. It’s something I can look back on to move
forward. A symbol, representation, and a memory of a certain place and time
somewhere only we know.

I
feel like I need to be put in an institution... a special center per se,
anywhere that would cater to highly creative minds with interactions between
well-rounded artists. Probably the one a particular Professor “X” or Xavier
founded and established. If not, a rehabilitation clinic would do, one of the so-called institution
I DON’T NEED but who am I to affirm that statement anyway? (WHAT?!) Although chances are I’ll find a group of
prominent intoxicated men (hopefully hunks) that are in the verge of recovering
then somehow in a world where purple bunnies and red goats exists true love
will prevail after every successful withdrawal after another.

What
about the ever-so-changing kindred souls? (What about them?) Two of ‘em flew abroad either to get a
life or sustain one (harhar!) – I LOVE YOU! Others are at a far both
dramatically and geographically or maybe opted to be exclusively distanced instead. The last
but not the least went on with no remorse… ;’c Perhaps I’m itching to send a
list of updates, reporting all that I have accomplished so far and what has become of a disfigured person in the form of my
evolving self.(sigh)

There
is such a great need to be around nice people, screw the reason why it is the
hardest to find “niceness” and its successors. If I could find these angels
under a rock I’d be more than willing to stay with them under any given circumstance!!!
I miss a bunch of my friends… the forever-glued high school barkada of mine who all turned out to be
co-workaholics too. (damn!) Mostly professionals nonetheless and are exceptionally
awake 23/6 just because we are devoted (slang translation "enslaved") with what we do for a living. To top it all a
shaky twenty percent of these yuppies are predicted to aim towards becoming the
almost-getting-married dreamy folks…tsk,tsk,tsk!

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there’s only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache.  And maybe that’s okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams."

What’s sad is we aren’t in this TV series nor in a soap opera nor anything that attempts to imitate reality…what we have is the butt-naked REALITY itself. None plays the part of a mistress,

a Mcdreamy,the “nazi”,even a flirty nurse…OR IS THERE?! I ask you people, "Who will operate on  surgeons when they need it, attend on a sick doctor?" Their co-worker,co-surgeon and co-doctor themselves…no one else but themselves. Why do we get on each other then–heart worm, maybe we’re infected.

Do we pick sides or not? Do we take part in the pain, the hurt that would cause another to cry endlessly at night? Sobbing that will then be masked with a smiling face in the morning. Coping and at the same time "hoping" to hide not just behind all smiles & bursts  of laughter but even in cracking  jokes you come up with, as if it’s possible to hide a death inside someone’s heart.

It’s all for a good cause though…it dwells on the truth that we suffer BUT it doesn’t end there. Until we see the bigger picture, the monument standing behind us, an artwork of mixed emotions accessorized with clashing personalities, we will prevail in surviving all these because due before us is a higher  learning.

As I quote (myself),"…PAIN teaches us to have the most common sense. May it be our sixth or if not the seventh sense NOT to be played by our own life’s drama! DRAMA if I may say is having sympathy for a stomach ache that cannot be shared."